Maid-Handled
by TwentyPoundsOfPlotConvenience
Summary: Sonic forces Shadow into a maid outfit. Eggman creates a gender-bending death ray. And somewhere in between shame and embarrassment and stopping Eggman, Sonic and Shadow find time to go to the opera, of all things... (Rated T for language and suggestive themes.)


A/N: So I was looking through all my old Word documents and dug this thing up from the grave. I wrote this back in 2012, and to my surprise, the writing was actually still salvageable. So what did I do?

I defaced it, in the name of fanfiction. Changed some of the references, made the whole thing take itself even less serious, and stuck in some language (where originally everything was censored with [SMILEYFACE]). Yeah, present me goes where no eighth-grade me has never dared to go before. It's all for the fanfiction!

Oh, and I guess I should throw out a warning because of suggestive themes (maybe? probably?) and because Shadow is a naughty pottymouth now. Make sure your buttcheeks are nice and tight, so you can properly enjoy this piece of dumbity dumb, implied Sonadow trash.

 **Disclaimer: _Yes,_ I _do_ indeed own the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise and all the characters associated with it... ******And pigs fly, birds walk on all fours, a** nd a trillion lions can beat out the sun.**

* * *

The sun's golden rays peeked through the curtains, filling the room with a heavenly light that would make edgelords such as Shadow the Hedgehog scream in terror.

 _BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_ the alarm clock screamed.

"Woo-hoo, another day!" Sonic said, and he leapt right out of the bed and ran downstairs to go eat breakfast.

" _Damn_ fourth alarm clock," Shadow mumbled. Honestly, he didn't get why Amy just _had_ to make his _faker_ his roommate. He flailed his arm around in hopes that he would slam the alarm clock across the room and destroy it. He only succeeded in messing up the bed covers.

Then he fell off the bed.

He opened his eyes, only to be met with the bright light coming from the curtains. Cue the tired, angry groaning. If he were a vampire, he would be dying now. Unfortunately, he was only a mere edgelord, and the sunlight only physically made his eyes burn. After lying there for a while and soaking in the pain, Shadow got off the floor and made his way down to breakfast, cursing and grumbling all the way.

Meanwhile, Sonic and his squad (which has grown far too big for me to list off completely) were devouring their breakfast down at the table. When Shadow came down the spiral staircase, eyes half-open, he noticed that Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles in particular were watching him. They were getting ready to roast him.

"Ooh, look what we have here," said Tails, "it's Sleeping Beauty." Sonic and Knuckles snickered at his remark, even though it was probably out-of-character. They continued to snark about him, even though Shadow could very plainly hear them speak.

"Hmph," he hmph-ed, because frankly my dear he didn't give two damns about what they were talking about. He was more concerned with not falling down the stairs and humiliating himself. After a few seconds he started to feel uncomfortable under their intense gazes, which were beginning to feel more like sensuous stares…

Suddenly, Shadow's legs gave way. The black hedgehog fell head over heels and also down the stairs, finally landing on the floor with a loud thud.

Sonic scrunched up his face. "Man, he's gonna feel that later." Everyone else who hadn't been looking already began to turn their heads to watch Shadow being a failure at walking, saying things like "ouch" or "that's gotta hurt."

 _Congratulations, Shadow, you humiliated yourself!_ Shadow thought. He tried to save face before blacking out completely, but all he could say was "Stupid…"

* * *

 _A few hours later..._

"Finally awake, Sleeping Beauty?" a familiar voice spoke. "Ya remember you fell down the stairs, right? Oh, sweet mother of _chaos_ , that was funny to watch. And then for some reason I started feeling just a tiny bit sorry for you." Sonic shrugged. "So I carried you back up, and now here we are. You okay?"

"Sonic?" Shadow tried to lift his head, which was pounding so much he felt like it would burst. "Everything's spinning… and my head hurts…"

"I don't think you've ever called me by that name, ever." Sonic chuckled. "And your head hurts? The 'Ultimate Lifeform,' admitting pain? Out loud? Heh… you're still not fully awake, are you."

"Don't insult me, faker," Shadow growled. "And my name's not Sleeping Beauty. It's Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Get in the bed, Sleeping Beauty."

Shadow, only wanting to get rid of his splitting headache, collapsed onto his bed and closed his eyes. Then he scrunched up his face. For some reason, the bed was warm and wet and-

"GROSS!" Shadow shouted and leaped off the bed, furiously trying to wipe himself clean. At the same time, Sonic burst out laughing, slapping his thigh. He laughed so hard, he fell on the floor and rolled around. Shadow scowled at him.

"You wet that bed on purpose, didn't you!"

"Yeah, I knew you'd… do that…" Sonic said in between laughing and wiping tears from his eyes.

"Argh… I'll kill you!" Shadow yelled. He tried to punch Sonic in the face, but Sonic just dodged the punches.

"Whoa! Calm yourself, man, it's just a harmless prank!" A punch got dangerously close to his face, and he winced. "It's just water!" he added.

But Shadow did not listen. "You really think that's harmless?! Why you little… That's like pissing on me yourself! THAT IS NOT HARMLESS, FAKER. The next thing I know you'll be taking me downstairs to be humiliated by everyone else."

Sonic caught both of Shadow's fists and held them away from his face. He grinned.

"Dude… Shads, my man, that actually sounds like a good idea."

"What-? No, I didn't say anything! I just thought you would-" But Sonic was already dragging him downstairs. "Well shit."

* * *

 _A few hours later..._

Sonic walked into his and Shadow's room to find that Shadow was busy cleaning up the bed.

"So, no hard feelings, Shad-?" he said. "I thought you were gonna kill me, not clean up after me."

"As long as you don't call me by that cursed nickname 'Shad' I will not kill you," Shadow replied as he folded the sheets.

"I was just about to finish up your name, Shadow. Hey, why are you cleaning that up, anyway?"

"I felt like it."

"You felt like cleaning up, huh?"

"Maybe."

"Hue hue hue…"

"Don't tell me you've suddenly come up with some crazy idea that will be amusing to you and embarrassing to me, because when you giggle like that it means you're up to something."

"I have suddenly come up with some crazy idea that will be amusing to me and embarrassing to you…" Sonic put a hand to his chin, and a mischievous smile graced his glorious cerulean face. "Maybe very amusing to me and very embarrassing to you. And yes, when I giggle like that it means I _am_ up to something."

"Kill me now."

"I so love to make you feel self-conscious."

And then Sonic did nothing for the rest of the day, which gave Shadow anxiety. Because Sonic was for sure going to do something terrible to him, and now he was just screwing with him before he actually did the deed.

* * *

Early the next morning, Sonic came down the stairs dragging an unenthusiastic Shadow behind him, who was all dolled up in a pink frilly dress with a dangerously short skirt.

The unhappy hedgehog muttered, "I'm only cooperating because you threatened to post my baby pictures all over the Internet and then force me to sing in the opera."

"What did you say? A maid shouldn't object to her master."

"I hate you so much."

"Hey everybody, look at my maid!" Sonic announced, bringing Shadow in front of him and showing him off. Shadow scowled in front of everybody, but it was hard for them to take him seriously in a silly pink dress. Tails began to snicker first, and then the laughter spread like a disease until basically everyone in the room was laughing their guts out.

"Aww, he's so cute!" Amy cooed.

Shadow went bright red, which made everybody only laugh harder. Sonic grinned stupidly, trying not to laugh out loud himself. Suddenly he decided to take his maid for a walk through town.

"See you later!" he said as he waved bye to everyone and strode out the door. Then he started to laugh so hard he started snorting.

Everybody who saw Sonic's maid either had a nosebleed (hey I don't blame them, I'd tap that too) or started to laugh hard. Shadow's face became redder, even though it seemed impossible for that to happen. After being dragged through all of Grand Metropolis on his beautiful black booty and back, Shadow's face finally began to return its normal colors.

"You were so embarrassed, weren't you? Weren't you?" Sonic had mastered his laughing and was now focused on giving his roommate a hard time. "Now, maid. I want you to finish cleaning up the bed. And then I'll be nice and let you sleep in it."

"As you say, _master."_ Shadow grinned awkwardly and tried to do a curtsy, then tripped over his own two feet. Sonic began to laugh to himself, but then the other hedgehog's smile disappeared immediately, to be replaced with irritation.

"Can I at least get out of this dress?" he asked with false courtesy.

"Nope!"

Shadow groaned. This was obviously going to be very amusing to his rival and very embarrassing to him.

* * *

The next day turned the embarrassment up even further (and consequently, amused Sonic even more).

"Here, put these on." Sonic handed Shadow a pair of stockings, a panty, and a maid band.

"You want me to put on panties," Shadow mumbled. He didn't mind the stockings and the maid band too much, since it was all part of the maid "look." But panties, really? Panties. They were white with pink stripes. Sonic was a kinky little shit.

"Yup. And today you're gonna make me breakfast. And don't fall down those stairs. And while you're at it, can you fix me some tea and crumpets and dust some stuff? Just do maid stuff. Like y'know, whatever maids are supposed to do."

"Yeah, sure." Shadow made no attempt to hide his sarcasm.

"In the words of Shia LaBeouf, 'Just do it.' "

"Fine."

"You're awfully quiet. Afraid you're gonna give me ideas, huh?"

Shadow scowled, but he didn't try to say Sonic was wrong. He pulled out a duster and a silver platter from the hyperspace behind his back. "Just remember I'm your maid, not an ass."

"Woo! Hedgehog maid, hedgehog maid, does whatever a hedgehog maid does…"

And so began a downward spiral of shame and embarrassment for Shadow. Surprisingly, nothing really bad (read: overly mortifying) happened, until after breakfast. Sonic had just finished his daily morning dose of tea, pancakes (Shadow didn't know how to make crumpets), and chili dogs (for breakfast, yeah), and now Shadow was cleaning up after him.

"You normally don't make a mess like this, faker." Seriously, there was chili all over the place. He had to be doing it on purpose.

"Master, not faker, _faker._ And besides, why do I need to be neat when you're cleaning up after me?" Sonic waited a little and then added, "By the way, you cook really well… better than Amy."

"Hmph," Shadow hmph-ed.

"Come here." Sonic beckoned the maid over with his finger.

The black hedgehog stopped cleaning to walk over to Sonic and do whatever he asked.

"What do you-"

Sonic swept Shadow's feet out from under him, sending him head over heels and upside down. "See, there's a reason I make you wear these things" And with that, he burst out laughing. He wasn't alone; some others nearby were giggling to themselves, and when Shadow fell over (exposing his panties), they burst out laughing too.

"I said I was not an ass!"

"But you have one! And it sure is a nice one."

"You're a sick, twisted pervert. I don't get how this is even funny."

"I don't think it's funny! I think it's hilarious. And also sexy. But mainly hilarious."

Shadow blushed a little.

"Well, if you're done making fun of me, I'll go back to cleaning up _your_ mess."

"No, wait! Let's go fight Eggman."

"What," Shadow deadpanned.

"You heard me, maid. Eggman's probably up to something and I wanna fight him."

"Suuure, whatever you say. And you're taking me with you?"

"Nope."

"Thank Maria-"

"Actually I was just kidding, you're coming with me."

"Dear god no."

"As my maid, you have to do everything I say. Say Shadow, do you want me to post-"

Shadow suddenly stood up, cutting Sonic off. "I told you, I'm not an ass. I'll Chaos Spear you if you start calling me an ass again."

"Hey, I didn't say you _were_ one, I just said you had a nice one. Anyway! Stopping Eggman!"

Shadow stared blankly at Sonic.

"Well?" he said.

"What?"

"Are you going to drag me, or do you want me to walk?"

"If you don't start walking right now, I'll drag you."

"Fine," Shadow said. He followed Sonic (who was actually _walking_ at a REAL NORMAL speed) to Eggman's base.

It looked suspiciously like a run-down apartment now. When they got there, Sonic was the one to knock on the door. He looked over to a small screen on the side of the doorway. A face appeared on the screen, of a man who seemed to be about 60 years of age, and he had a bushy, reddish mustache.

"Who is it?" the man said.

"Eggman, you idiotic idiot, who the hell do you think I am?!"

Eggman grinned like a little kid on Christmas Day. "Oh, it's you, Sonic! I've been expecting you…"

"Whatever it is you've invented now, I'm gonna destroy it!" Sonic said. He curled his hands into fists and did a few practice jabs.

Eggman scratched the back of his shiny, balding head.

"Well… uh… actually, since you haven't been annoying me, I haven't really come up with anything useful yet. The only thing I've made recently is a device that can change your gender…" The doctor frowned. "Although I don't know how that could possibly help me to destroy you."

Sonic took one glance at Eggman, and then took another glance at Shadow, who already knew what he was going to do, and then said, "I wanna see it."

"What? Why?"

"You see-"

Shadow intervened. "That's classified."

"I see," Eggman replied. "Well, if you really want to use it, then I'd like a Chaos Emerald in exchange. Perhaps it would let me come up with ideas."

Sonic said, "I'll think about it."

"Sonic, I've been waiting to come up with a wonderful scheme and ever since you decided to stop pestering me, at least for now, my brain has decided to stop working! I only want one Chaos Emerald, just one. Pwetty pwease?"

"Sonic, don't do it," Shadow said.

"Well, life is an adventure. And an adventure's no fun if it's too easy, right?"

Shadow groaned. He already knew that Sonic was going to advance the plot.

"Besides, we need a little more fun in our lives," the faker said cheerily.

"You forced me into this god-forsaken dress and then tripped me so you could see my _damn_ panties. I think you've had enough fun already."

"Hey, you're the one who gives me the ideas!"

"Hey," Eggman said, "Shadow, you said you were dressed up."

"No, t-that was just a slip of the tongue. I don't ever wear any clothes, y-you know that…"

"Liar. Come up to the screen so I can see you."

"Fine." Shadow did as Eggman asked and let the doctor see him in all his pink, frilly glory.

"Pfft- ohohoho! OHOHOHO!" Eggman burst out laughing like a 90s anime girl.

Eggman laughed so hard, he fell out of his chair and started to roll on the floor, but he ended up going in circles due to his egg-shaped body. With great effort, he managed to reach a button on his monitor and black out the screen, all while he was laughing his guts out. Shadow once again felt the blood go to his cheeks.

"Dude, why don't you try to resist?" Sonic asked. "And why do you get embarrassed so easy?" he added.

"Because," Shadow said. "I just do."

"Whatever. We don't have any business with Eggman anymore," he said. "We'll just go to the park and do stuff. Fun stuff."

"Fine."

"Will you say something other than 'fine'?"

"Screw you."

"Fine."

"Hypocrite."

"All right, you got me."

"Let's go already so we can get this over with."

"Oh, you're just begging for me to make this long and embarrassing. You look cute when you're embarrassed."

"Don't even think about making this any worse than it already is."

Shadow said that but deep down, he had already resigned himself to his fate. Because Sonic had an idea in his head now, and now he wouldn't listen to a word Shadow said.

* * *

Sonic's idea of a good time was to go to the freakin' _opera._ More specifically, his idea of a good time was to pay the lead singer a hundred gold rings to have Shadow sing in his place. The dialogue went a little like this:

"Hey Sebastian you can sing on pitch, right? Actually I don't care because I'm going to make you sing in the opera anyway."

"Dammit Sonic- ahem. _Master,_ you said you would only force me to sing in the opera if I didn't cooperate."

"Well, you're not cooperating."

"How?

"You've been cooperating too much, and that's no fun at all. So now you're a naughty boy. And I'm not into spanking so let's do the next best thing!"

"How is opera the next best- oh you know what, I give up. I'm done." Shadow threw his hands up in the air because he just didn't care anymore.

And then, at the opera:

"Hey dude, are you the lead singer?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"If I pay you will you let this guy here sing in your place?"

"Hahaha no. I'm too good to be replaced by some random crossdresser."

Sonic dumped a 1-UP box onto the singer. The man picked it up and held it in awe.

"This- this is-"

"You can sell it for a hundred rings. Now go get yourself a life!"

"Yes… Yes, I will! Thank you, sir!" And then the man sprinted out of the theater, shouting "I'M FREE!"

And that was how Shadow found himself singing _The Marriage of Figaro_ in the opera. The whole experience was… interesting, to say the least. Shadow was quite capable of singing on pitch, and it turns out he was actually a decent baritone. There were mixed reactions to his questionable outfit, but the audience all seemed to love his voice. Ladies were throwing roses and their babies at him as he stormed red-faced off the stage.

* * *

"Well, that was fun." Shadow mumbled with much sarcasm. He could still feel his cheeks burning from the shame.

"Really?"

" _No!_ You should've figured out a long time ago that I absolutely, positively _hate_ this!"

"Wow, you're salty. You want some fries to go with that?"

That one remark was the last straw for Shadow. "Oh my god," he said. "All right, that's it, I'm kicking your ass."

Shadow's hand began to glow as he summoned a Chaos Spear.

"Disappear!" he shouted. But Sonic caught his arm before he could throw it.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down! I'm sorry I made you sing in the opera, okay?! I'll pay you back! I- I'll even let you take your panties off!"

"Hey," said a small voice. However, Sonic was too busy trying to calm Shadow down to listen.

"NO! It's too late now, you little... You little bitch! The damage is done! I'll wipe your shitty little ass off the face of the continent!" Shadow was too far done at this point to form coherent sentences anymore, and so he started trying to turn Sonic into a Chaos Shish Kebab.

"It was all in good fun, I swear!" Sonic protested as he dodged Shadow's attacks.

"All in good fun, my ass. You think that- that humiliating me in front of- everyone is- funny?! Go fu-"

Before Shadow could finish, Amy Rose stormed in between him and Sonic and pushed them apart.

"HEY, LISTEN!" she shouted.

"What?" Sonic said.

"The hell do you want," Shadow grumbled.

"Look," she said. She pointed in the direction of Eggman's run-down apartment base. Something was flying out of it and coming towards them. People were everywhere, screaming and running from the source of destruction. "Eggman's attacking the metropolis again! You guys should be fighting _him,_ not each other!"

"Ugh, I'm too pissed for this," Shadow said. "Come on, let's get this over with so I can get back to skewering you."

However, before Sonic, Shadow, and Amy could leave their spots, Eggman flew right up to them in his floating egg-thingy, carrying a large ray gun with him.

"OHOHOHOHOHO!" Eggman unleashed his EVIL ANIME GIRL CACKLE OF DOOM. It wasn't very effective... The three hedgehogs simply stared at the round man.

"When I tried to test this gender-bending machine and turn one of my robots into a hot chick, it ended up destroying my robot, and plenty of others. It turns out I made a death ray, and the Chaos Emerald that I stole from you was the perfect generator! OHOHOHOHOHO!"

Sonic scowled, a facial expression he usually reserved solely for whenever Eggman tried to take over the city ("and then, the TRI-STATE AREA!" he would always add afterwards).

"Eggman, you stupid most idiotic idiot out of all the idiotic idiots that ever existed in this idiot world, how did you even manage to steal a Chaos Emerald from me?!" he said.

"I just did, no questions asked. I'm a bad guy, remember?" Eggman replied. "There always has to be a conflict with the bad guy, you know."

He fired his GBDR (gender-bending death ray) at another flock of people unsuccessfully fleeing from the scene, destroying them. All that was left was the flock of people, lying on the ground, with THEIR GENDERS SWITCHED.

"The last thing I want right now is to be a girl!" Shadow looked down at his chest. "I don't need breasts! They'll mess with my fluffy, manly chest hair!"

Silver flew by in the distance, shouting, "My chest hair is fluffier and manlier than yours will ever be!"

Amy glared at Shadow. "But being a girl is awesome! I mean really, FEMINISM! You get extra strength! You get boobs of steel!"

"I'm pretty sure I want to stay a guy. Guys have manly chest hair that girls could never dream of possessing."

"Then I guess you're pretty sure you still want a bunch of rabid fangirls spamming you with love letters and whatever else rabid fangirls spam you with! Sexist," she muttered.

Shadow looked down at his chest again. "Maybe if I turn into a girl, only the gay fangirls would want to marry me…?"

After a few minutes, the doctor got tired of listening to them talk about whether or not Shadow should have breasts.

"This is a DEATH RAY. The gender-bending is only a side-effect. Now DIE! DIE DIE DIE!" Eggman shouted. He fired his laser at the trio, but missed since they all leaped out of the way. In his hysteria, the doctor fired lasers everywhere, which blew up stuff (yay). One laser got awfully close to Amy, nearly changing her into a boy.

"Quit firing your laser already!" she screamed, and summoned her signature Piko Piko Hammer. "I'll smash you if my darling Sonic gets hurt!"

Then Sonic did get hurt. Well, not exactly. He was trapped in a corner, and Eggman had him right where he wanted him- in a place where he couldn't escape. Or so he thought. Sonic spindashed up the wall and right over Eggman's head.

"Hey, get back here!" Eggman shouted, and he floated off after Sonic.

"Don't hurt my sweetheart!" Amy was hot on Eggman's metaphorical heels, smacking his floating egg-thingy with her hammer. The egg-thingy began losing its sense of direction, and floated along an erratic path.

Meanwhile, as Shadow watched this strange spectacle, he realized there was only one thing left to do.

The maid had to destroy the GBDR, by cleaning that mess of a machine up.

Just like he cleaned up after the giant messes that Sonic and the squad would deliberately make. Or like the blood he would be cleaning off the floor if his gun was acceptable to show on kids' TV.

And afterward he would have his way with Sonic for putting him in this dreadful, despicable dress of doom.

Oh, the irony.

Shadow walked up in front of Eggman and calmly said, "Okay, you need to stop."

"Oh? And what can you do to stop me?" Eggman cackled. Then he pulled an EVIL SMILE out of nowhere. Once again, it wasn't very effective...

The maid got out his cleaning stuff and started dusting the GBDR.

"What are you doing?" Sonic, Amy, and Eggman all asked.

"Cleaning up your mess."

Dumbfounded, Eggman watched Shadow dust away at the machine. Then Shadow suddenly came up with an idea.

"Oh, I know what'll kill this thing."

Shadow pulled out a BIG BOTTLE O' HYDROCHLORIC ACID from under his skirt and started to pour it out onto the GBDR. The machine started hissing and smoking. Slowly but surely, the acid was eating through the metal.

"Ohhhh, I get it." Sonic said.

"Wh-what are you doing?!" Eggman shouted in a mix of anger and frustration. "Why are you destroying my masterpiece?"

"Some acids or bases are strong enough to corrode metal," was Shadow's reply. He turned to Sonic and smirked a little, just barely. "I studied for my chemistry test. Did you?"

"Nope." And Sonic smirked back.

Meanwhile, the acid was still eating away at the metal, making Eggman desperate to escape. Unfortunately, he forgot to make an eject button. So all he could do was squirm around in his egg machine while his masterpiece slowly melted away.

Shadow got out a normal-sized bottle of water, scrutinized it for a few seconds, and poured it on the now-exposed power generator, just for good measure. But not before taking the Chaos Emerald out of the generator. He held it up, motioning for Sonic and Amy to come over.

Once they had gotten closer to him, he began to say the magic words. "Chaos…"

The GBDR exploded.

"CONTROL!"

There was a blinding flash of light, and then all three hedgehogs disappeared.

* * *

"Well. I suppose there's still some fun to be had with this situation, huh?" Shadow made a little somewhat-smile, and regarded the blue hedgehog in the frilly, pretty-pink and short dress (which Shadow had somehow managed to make even _shorter_ ) with amusement.

"Maybe…"

Sonic squirmed in the dress, pulling it down so that his polka dot panties wouldn't be showing if he moved too much. (Shadow was also a kinky little shit.) But all the squirming only made his dress ride up more. "Just please don't torture me. Please?"

Shadow snickered, which only frightened Sonic even more. "Don't worry."

"Don't tell me you've thought of something super amusing to you and super embarrassing to me. When you snicker like that, I just know you're thinking of something…"

"I've thought of something that'll be _extremely_ amusing to me and _extremely_ embarrassing to you. Oh, and you knew I was thinking of something. You must be able to read me like a book." Shadow snorted. "Of course I'm thinking of something. I'm always thinking of something. Just when I snicker like that, it means I'm thinking of something… particularly something dirty."

Sonic's face went red.

"Oh, don't worry, it's only a _little_ worse than torture. Now, will you come with me?"

"Ugh. As you say, _master_."

Sonic, irritated and embarrassed, only agreed so he wouldn't have to kiss Amy, sing in the opera, and then get taken to Eggman to get his gender changed.

* * *

A/N: Okay, but we all know the real reason Shadow let himself get dressed up was because he's a masochist. Because Sonic wouldn't be able to get that dress an inch near Shadow if he didn't like it deep down. (Actually, it's because my past self couldn't come up with a good enough excuse, and I was lazy so I left it as is.)

I had to think really hard about what past me meant by "a little worse than torture," and now I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be _bondage._ And then I thought about the implications. Damn, past me, back at it again with the surprises.


End file.
